Peace be still

As I am sitting here writing this, I am surrounded by a beautiful view, sweet noises, and just complete peace. I can’t remember when I was away from the noise, away from the everyday anxieties of life. And the thing that constantly has ran through my heart all week is “Peace, be still and know I am God”. 

The start of this week was not so peaceful. I got hit with some crazy news about my youngest babies traveling back home.  And naturally, when you mess with mommy’s babies, momma bears claws are coming out. I was literally ready to fight.  I didn’t know who I wanted to fight (and let me stress I’m talking about verbal fighting), but I wanted someone else to feel how mad and upset I was.  I wanted someone else to feel the fear and worry I felt.  I was sitting in my living room on Tuesday and I felt in my heart “Peace, be still and know I am God”.  I literally sat there and just soaked that in. And then I started to really pray.  And let me say, this was not easy for me to do at that moment because everything humanly in me wanted to fight and worry and fear on top of my mind racing of the “what ifs”. But I put that aside and just started praying.  Really sought God and reached out to Him for peace and comfort. 

You know, God doesn’t want all the fighting. He doesn’t want all the noise.  I went on and really looked into this verse.  The literal meaning of “Be still” taken from Greek, is Hush. In today’s translation means, SHUTUP!   How often do we just ask God for everything but we don’t just stop and be still and listen? I can say for myself it doesn’t happen all that often.  We live in a society that when something happens, good or bad, we run to social media and let everyone know what’s going on.  We will tell our side of the story and bash the other person or whomever to almost get people to side with us (and by the way, it really only makes you look like an idiot.) or ask for help. It’s almost like we as a society needs that confirmation by our peers that we are good enough or that we are doing the right thing.  Or we go to social media, and show the good things in life.  For what, approval of others, acceptance, for insight…why?  Why do we do these things when we have the ability to be still and listen to the One who has all the answers. The one who has gone before us. Who knows how our story is going to end.  So why do we not be still and know he is God?  I know for myself that I get so caught up in doing what everyone is doing or how everyone else would react or treat a situation that it’s almost like a comparison of their situation.  Guess what, our situation is not like everyone else’s situation.  We are not everyone else.  We were created differently but created equally by the one who has our story (our life) planned out for us.  

Guys, life gets hard ESP in today’s society and we all, ESP me, needs to be still (SHUTUP) and know God knows what he’s doing!  We have got to listen to Him and have Him guide our footsteps; our decisions.  Because I’ve tried doing it my way.  My way leads to hurt and a lot of heartache.  I typically find myself in trouble of some sorts when I do it Kylie’s way.  We were not designed to do it our way so why wouldn’t we get silent and seek him and know He’s got this and He’s on our side and He’s already got this figured out for us! 

I hope this finds someone who really needed to hear this. 😬

Much love 

Kylie

Things I’ve learned the first year of marriage!!!

Seth and I met at church on the worship team. Because I am older then him, I really kept my feelings to myself for a long while. Mostly everyone knew we liked each other, because we were always flirting with each other and around each other as much as possible while at church. I can remember making things up just to have to go talk to him and strike up a conversation.  There was a retreat for some students that I took them to over a weekend and literally all I could think about was him. I can remember rushing back to the church to be able to see him before he left just so I could get  a hug from him and to be able to talk to him. It was all actually pretty cute! That’s when I knew that these feelings I had were not going to go away!  I had talked to our lead worship pastor and several friends about it and they all had the same response….You both are adults, you both like each other, just go for it. Well we did and it wasn’t long before I was head over heels in love with this man.  We dated for two years, with many ups and downs, but finally  we got engaged September 22, 1014. I can remember feeling so much joy and excitement that day and was in complete awe that we were actually going to get married.

We got married May 8, 2015.  We had our beautiful wedding that we wanted, with many friends and family surrounding us. I can remember walking down the aisle with tears flowing and thinking, “gosh this is what true love feels like and I am so lucky to be marring my best friend”.

When we did our premarital counseling,  we were informed that the first year is always the hardest.  Two people, with two different backgrounds, two different families, two different lives were coming together to be one.  Seth was to be the leader of our family and I had to be respectful of his leadership.  We were to leave our families and cling to one another. And the way it goes is God, Seth, kids, then anything else.  I was like “oh we got this, this is no big thing!”.  LOL HAHAHA and whatever else expression you want to use!! It is not a lie! The first year is HARD!!!!!!

I had been living on my own for  a long time raising my  babies doing life how I wanted to be done, letting people in who I wanted in, making the rules I wanted, and basically answering to no one other then God.  So as you can imagine,  once we got back from the honeymoon , reality got put in real quick. Here I was trying to do things my way again, and I upset him. WHAT?????  And that’s kind of the stare I gave him. Like the deer in the head lights kind of stare. I was clueless on what I had done.  I can remember going shopping and not discussing it and I got so upset because I was being questioned; I was like, “but babe it was only $90.00!!!  Yeah I completely missed the point. Point was I hadn’t talked to him about money being spent before just going out and spending the money!! Me having to communicate things with someone was all far to new to me, and was completely lost on how to rewire my brain. Let me just say,  I have learned to pray about things more in my closet full of clothes with the door locked rather then stay in a miscommunication battle!

You see the  first year is so hard because regardless of how long you dated someone and how well you think you know someone, its not until that first year of marriage that you really get to know them because now we are living in the same house together and doing mostly everything together.  We learn what makes them happy, we learn what makes them sad, we really learn what makes them angry, we even learn the not so pleasant things about them, but its through good times and bad right (i think the person who came up with the vows threw  that in there because they knew it could get real ugly at times LOL)

Through all the ups and downs Seth and I have had, the thing that I am really learning is that YOU HAVE TO DROP THE ME, ME, ME, AND FOCUS ON US,US,US! Marriage is two becoming one not two becoming two. I’m most definitely  still working on this. I’ll be the first to admit that when I want something done or want something in general I want it immediately , but I am learning to take a step back and say “Kylie what am I fighting for? Am I fighting for myself or am I fighting for my marriage.” And honestly, 75% of the time, its me fighting for myself.  I am having to learn to view things I don’t like in the aspect of what problem am I trying to solve here and how can we fix this problem. I am learning that everything isn’t going to go my way and Seth can’t fix everything (sorry babe you are still my hero) as bad as I want him to. Seth is going to make me extremely upset at times, he is going to hurt me, he is going to disappoint me, and there is going to be times that I want to rip him to pieces (once again sorry babe), but if he and I both have the best interest of our marriage at heart, we will approach these issues, disappointments, hurts, etc in a more loving and respectful way that will only benefit our marriage. We have to show GRACE!

You see God commands us to Love God and Love our neighbor as ourselves. Sad reality here is that sometimes, esp the first year of marriage, we love our neighbors, extended family, and friends, better then we do our spouse. Shouldn’t we love our spouse better then we love those others?  The answer is ABSOLUTELY YES!!!  Seth is my best friend, he is my biggest fan, he is also my biggest critic, he is the person I turn to for advise, but what does it tell him if I don’t show him love over others? It means nothing!

I am so thankful that I married my best friend! I am so thankful that we took the leap of faith and started dating almost four years ago. I am so thankful that he chose to do life with me. I am so thankful that we have almost hit our 1 year mark and we haven’t killed each other! But what I am most thankful for is that God gave me Seth. He gave me a life long partner to get through hard times and have a blast with during the good times. I wouldn’t change the first year because we have overcome so much, and I am sure we will overcome even more. I went into our marriage thinking, “awe it won’t be that hard”, because I had listened to the fairytales that make it look so easy, now all I can say to women getting married, the first year is extremely hard, but its the year that will lay a foundation, a year that you will grow closer, a year that you will learn each other, a year to where you both will look back on many years later and be extremely thankful for. And when hard times come (because they will) get into your closet and pray and seek Gods wisdom, because running your mouth will not help the situation!  And no matter how hard the situation may seem at times, show more love to your spouse then you do other people. Because your closest neighbor is living and sleeping right next to you!!!

 

 

 

The sweet baby girl

  
I found this picture of my daughter and I earlier today and I teared up.  She was so little (2.5 at the time) so innocent and everything she did was right (probably not but I thought it was).  After I saw this picture, on my way home from where my husband was working, I stopped by the store.  There was a young woman, probably in her late 20’s, and on her back was a big tattoo that said “loser”. It literally took my breath away.  I mean what in the world made this young lady think that she was a loser or gave her the idea of tattooing this on her body to where she would see this each day of her life.  

This young lady was someone little girl! She was brought into this world and she was filled with innocence with a bright future ahead of her and here she stood in front of me with a tattoo that states “loser” on it.  She looked sad and broken hearted.  After I got into the car, I remembered the picture of Lilli and I and once again I teared up. Not because of the memories of her and how sweet and loving she was/is, but because of this young lady and how lost and broken she looked. I never want my daughter to ever feel broken. I never want her to feel like she is a loser.  I never want her to feel like she is lost in a very broken world. 

One of these days Lilli  will grow up and no longer be little. She will no longer live under Seth and my guidance, and to be honest that scares me. There is so much she has to learn to be able to live in such a broken world with so much hurt.  There is so much she has to learn to be a Godly woman in a dark and selfish world.  Those thoughts made me start thinking about the things I need to instill in her now that way she will know without a doubt she is loved so dearly. That she is loved by a King. That she has parents that love her and wants to instill so much goodness in her and fill her tiny spirit with love and encouragement now that when later on in life when trials happen she knows she is good, kind and strong, and no matter what we love her and she can always rely on God to lead her.  

So after thinking praying and thinking long and hard what I feel like my daughter needs to learn early on is this,

      1. She is a daughter of a king! 

To get a better understanding I went to a website I found a few months back to reread it. I want to share what it says because it’s so good how they put it.  It’s from newhopeladies.com. 
As a daughter of the King we all are:      She is glorious Romans 8:17 “now if we are children, we are heirs. Heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ!”  Pretty awesome!!!!

 *Beautiful not only outwardly but more emphasis inwardly   1 Peter 3:3-4     *Noble. You are royalty as a daughter of a King 1 Peter 2:9                                *Surrounded by gladness&rejoicing. Psalms 30:11-12.                                                 *Valuable Psalms 139:13-14. Psalms 8:5 This is one I feel is so important because the world wants us to think we are only valuable if we are successful and if we have all this stuff and that we are beautiful, but the world has it all wrong. We as a daughter of the King find our value in the King.  He knew us before He made us.  We are fearfully and wonderfully made! 

        2. How to have courage instead of conforming.                                                         She needs to know how to be in this world but not be if this world. Romans 12:2. She needs to learn that the world is going to say that she needs certain things, act a certain way, be someone she hasn’t been created to be, but God has a different plan.  She needs to have courage to live Gods plan and have faith in Him to guide her throughout her life. 

            3. To always choose kindness instead of meanness.                                          She needs to understand that there is enough meanness and hate in the world and that it is always better to show kindness instead of getting caught up in all the hate.  That if someone is mean to her, to pray for them and to show some act of kindness because that person may be living in a horrible situation and the act of kindness may soften them.  

           4. To really know and trust the bible.                                                                       The bible is life’s instruction manual on how God wants us to live and also it’s Gods living word!  It is Gods eternal plan for all people. 

           5.  Pray daily for all things; wants, needs, problems, worries. Pray in all situations because God will show up and He is bigger then our issues!!

          6. She is loved unconditionally and no matter what she will always be our little girl.                                                               We all make mistakes, and when we do, we get up dust ourselves off and try again. No matter how big or how bad the mistake is, she will always be shown grace and she will always be loved. 

 

I think it is so important that we instill these values in our daughter because oif we don’t instill all the values and the morals we believe; the world will, and the world is out to destroy!  Satan is real. The spiritual battles are real. We don’t need our little girl growing up to believe that they are “losers” and not worth anything.  They are worth so much and are more valuable then rubies and they need to be taught this. 

     

It’s about being Humble!!!!

  My daughter was recently in the Little Miss Hot Springs pageant.  I battled long and hard about letting her do this because it really goes against what we are trying to instill in her, but we went ahead and let her participate because she really wanted to do it and I thought there’s many life lessons to be taught here. 
I think many of us feel like today’s society puts a lot of pressure on little girls to look a certain way.  Society pushes that beauty is only outward appearance, that we have to stay up to date on latest trends or we aren’t good enough, that we have to have the latest hair trend, or stay within a certain weight.  THIS IS NOT WHAT DEFINES LITTLE GIRLS OR WOMEN!!!! 

Here in Hot Springs, there was literally no place to get a “pageant” dress for Lilli. I stressed about this (we decided to do it on a weds the pageant was that sat) and looked and called everywhere.  I finally said “forget it”.  My mom had found a beautiful white sequin dress at Dillards for $30 for this years daddy daughter dance and that’s what she wore.  It was simple and very modest.  I had to get her something for casual wear and went to a local boutique here in town and spent $24 on it.  It was nothing fancy and once again very modest but beautiful.  I had her hair done for $40 (I can not do hair) and I did her makeup.  Overall she still looked like a 8 year child that was covered and very modest, but she was beautiful!  There were moms in the pageant that had spent a fortune on their daughters outfits and had planned out thoroughly how they were going to walk and had quite the routine down; we on the other hand didn’t bother with all that.  We told Lilli that the reason we were letting her do it is to bring her out of her shell and to become confident in who she is and that no matter what she is beautiful in our eyes and more so in Gods eyes. 

You see we want Lilli to know and really understand that she is a daughter of a King. That He made her and she is fearfully and wonderfully made, and through Him she can do all things! Society wants her to think that she has to be beautiful and look a certain way, but with Christ living in her she’s already got everything that matters. 

Although Lilli won the overall title of Little Miss Hot Springs, I feel like she is winning something much bigger. She is learning the lesson of being humble and also that it doesn’t take the best clothes or the prettiest dress, that it’s about being modest and having a kind loving and serving heart that makes a lady beautiful.  She and I were told that that’s what really stuck out to the judges.  How modest and innocent she was. And for that I am thankful for. 

The Little Drummer Boy

  I have shared that my husband plays the drums for our church.  He tends to travel quite a bit each month to go play at the other campuses. Seth is really good at what he does.  And when I say good, I’d place him up there with the drummers of hillsong and elevation worship.  His drumming ability is amongst the reasons I feel in love with him.  I was in awe of how he could pick up the beat to any song and arrange it and make it sound better.  I thought he was so cute behind the drums and the funny faces he made while playing.  And then we got married and the drum set came with him. Now let me say I love my husband more then anything in this world other then God, and I wouldn’t change him for anything, but holy moly the amount of noise that comes along with marrying a drummer was all so new to me.  I never knew that straws could be turned into drum sticks or how about the long road trips and the constant pounding on the console or legs. Or my favorite, the nice peaceful evenings of watching tv turns into a jam session on the drums. Now my 12 year old finds a lot of fun in this.  He enjoys chasing everyone around the house with drumsticks trying to stick them in not so plesant places in which drum sticks don’t belong, and his newest thing putting them up the nose to see how far they will go (of course we use the older ones and we have to stop him before it gets to far in his head)😱  

But in all silliness aside, this is who Seth is, and the nights like tonight when he is gone I miss the noise and the chaos because he’s my drummer boy and he loves me. He knows when I’ve had enough of the noise and he always comes up to me and grabs me and kisses me and tells me how much he loves me.  He appreciates the fact I let him play.  He appreciates the fact that I fell in love with him and his noise and honestly I wouldn’t change it for the world. We by far are not perfect in fact we mess up a lot, but we chose to do life together….drums and all!!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜¬

I love you mom 500 times a day!Β 

  This little guy is our 12 year old Trystan.  He is the funny guy in our family. He keeps us on our toes and always makes us laugh, but he’s also our kind, compassionate, very sensitive kid.  Over the past year, he’s picked up a new habit.  He tells me probably 500 times a day he loves me.  You may be thinking, well what is wrong with that Kylie.  My answer..nothing is wrong with that, but when you go to the bathroom and hear loudly “I love you mom” and you don’t give a response and then hear a knock at the door just so he can hear it back or when your on a 18 hour road trip and hear it every 5 minutes it can get a little overwhelming.  As I have sat here and write this I’ve already heard it 7 timesπŸ˜€. 

Trystans real dad left him a few years back and he only sees him in the summer now. My husband, his step father, has been his dad and male influence the past few years, but Trystan has a fear of abandonment. And for him, telling me 500 times a day gives him a sense of security.  So as I try to keep from losing my sanity from hearing it over and over again, I remind myself…

1. He won’t always want to tell me

2. This makes him feel loved 

3. This makes him feel secure and that I’m not going to leave him.  

So when my husband and daughter have had enough, I remind them that this is how he shows love and makes him feel safe. 

I’m curious if anyone else had a  child that tells you they love you a lot and when I say a lot I mean A LOT! 

WELCOME

Welcome to my blog! I guess I’ll start off by sharing a little about myself.  I am 37 years old and I got married to the love of my life, my best friend, last year on May 8. My husband is 12 years younger then I am and oh my goodness in the south that was like so unheard of!  The things that I was called.😬 He and I met on the worship team and became the best of friends.  We tried not to like each other but the more we tried the closer we got. So we knew that God was bringing us together for a reason so we stopped fighting it.  We dated for two years before we finally got engaged and then 8 months later we got married.  It hasn’t always been easy but we keep God in the center and work at it every day. 

We have three kids. Two living with us one (our 14 year) that moved in with his dad last July. Our 12 year old son has dyslexia.  For those of you that don’t know what that is it is a learning disability where it is very difficult to read and comprehend what you read.  We have had to be his biggest advocate.  The school systems here in Arkansas are not up to date in how to teach dyslexic kiddos so a lot of his learning starts at home then we fight for it at the schools.  Trystan is our character of the family. He keeps us on our toes and always keeps us laughing.  He is now going though puberty which makes for very interesting conversations at the dinner table (we always eat dinner as a family). Having a little girl whole is 8 we try to keep the things that come out of his mouth “g” rated. 😩 Lilli is our little diva princess!  She is beautiful and kind with a huge heart for everyone.  This tends to bring in lots of questions about life and also handouts to people we don’t know.  She is always the one who wants to stop and hand the homeless people all our money. We tend to have to explain we just can’t do that or we will be homeless! And of course, everything is our faults these days.  We do nothing right πŸ€”. 

I love people and I love having conversations with people about anything. I love creating things with wood which drives my husband nuts because he gets drug into doing my crafts with me.  I love fashion.  From shoes to makeup I love it all.  During the week I stay mostly in yoga pants and tshirt (like most stay at home moms) but I try to stay up to date on the latest trends and I love talking with people about their thoughts and feelings about style and fashion.  My passion and heart is in doing worship. I am on this journey of life trying to reach the next one for Jesus Christ.  I have been through many trials and tribulations and without Him I would’ve failed and fallen flat on my face, but with Him I’ve overcome and a better Christian and person because of those trails. Serving on the worship team with my husband has been a true blessing to us and our marriage.  He plays the drums and as annoying as that may be at times (he plays at home too) he has an unbelievable talents given by God and I’m thankful he uses that in worship. I believe it doesn’t take a Sunday morning to worship Christ. You can do it in the car or while cleaning the house. 

That’s a little bit about me and my family. I hope you come back and see what kind of crazy funny things we do each day and maybe learn something from our chaos. πŸ€“πŸ˜˜.