Seth and I met at church on the worship team. Because I am older then him, I really kept my feelings to myself for a long while. Mostly everyone knew we liked each other, because we were always flirting with each other and around each other as much as possible while at church. I can remember making things up just to have to go talk to him and strike up a conversation. There was a retreat for some students that I took them to over a weekend and literally all I could think about was him. I can remember rushing back to the church to be able to see him before he left just so I could get a hug from him and to be able to talk to him. It was all actually pretty cute! That’s when I knew that these feelings I had were not going to go away! I had talked to our lead worship pastor and several friends about it and they all had the same response….You both are adults, you both like each other, just go for it. Well we did and it wasn’t long before I was head over heels in love with this man. We dated for two years, with many ups and downs, but finally we got engaged September 22, 1014. I can remember feeling so much joy and excitement that day and was in complete awe that we were actually going to get married.
We got married May 8, 2015. We had our beautiful wedding that we wanted, with many friends and family surrounding us. I can remember walking down the aisle with tears flowing and thinking, “gosh this is what true love feels like and I am so lucky to be marring my best friend”.
When we did our premarital counseling, we were informed that the first year is always the hardest. Two people, with two different backgrounds, two different families, two different lives were coming together to be one. Seth was to be the leader of our family and I had to be respectful of his leadership. We were to leave our families and cling to one another. And the way it goes is God, Seth, kids, then anything else. I was like “oh we got this, this is no big thing!”. LOL HAHAHA and whatever else expression you want to use!! It is not a lie! The first year is HARD!!!!!!
I had been living on my own for a long time raising my babies doing life how I wanted to be done, letting people in who I wanted in, making the rules I wanted, and basically answering to no one other then God. So as you can imagine, once we got back from the honeymoon , reality got put in real quick. Here I was trying to do things my way again, and I upset him. WHAT????? And that’s kind of the stare I gave him. Like the deer in the head lights kind of stare. I was clueless on what I had done. I can remember going shopping and not discussing it and I got so upset because I was being questioned; I was like, “but babe it was only $90.00!!! Yeah I completely missed the point. Point was I hadn’t talked to him about money being spent before just going out and spending the money!! Me having to communicate things with someone was all far to new to me, and was completely lost on how to rewire my brain. Let me just say, I have learned to pray about things more in my closet full of clothes with the door locked rather then stay in a miscommunication battle!
You see the first year is so hard because regardless of how long you dated someone and how well you think you know someone, its not until that first year of marriage that you really get to know them because now we are living in the same house together and doing mostly everything together. We learn what makes them happy, we learn what makes them sad, we really learn what makes them angry, we even learn the not so pleasant things about them, but its through good times and bad right (i think the person who came up with the vows threw that in there because they knew it could get real ugly at times LOL)
Through all the ups and downs Seth and I have had, the thing that I am really learning is that YOU HAVE TO DROP THE ME, ME, ME, AND FOCUS ON US,US,US! Marriage is two becoming one not two becoming two. I’m most definitely still working on this. I’ll be the first to admit that when I want something done or want something in general I want it immediately , but I am learning to take a step back and say “Kylie what am I fighting for? Am I fighting for myself or am I fighting for my marriage.” And honestly, 75% of the time, its me fighting for myself. I am having to learn to view things I don’t like in the aspect of what problem am I trying to solve here and how can we fix this problem. I am learning that everything isn’t going to go my way and Seth can’t fix everything (sorry babe you are still my hero) as bad as I want him to. Seth is going to make me extremely upset at times, he is going to hurt me, he is going to disappoint me, and there is going to be times that I want to rip him to pieces (once again sorry babe), but if he and I both have the best interest of our marriage at heart, we will approach these issues, disappointments, hurts, etc in a more loving and respectful way that will only benefit our marriage. We have to show GRACE!
You see God commands us to Love God and Love our neighbor as ourselves. Sad reality here is that sometimes, esp the first year of marriage, we love our neighbors, extended family, and friends, better then we do our spouse. Shouldn’t we love our spouse better then we love those others? The answer is ABSOLUTELY YES!!! Seth is my best friend, he is my biggest fan, he is also my biggest critic, he is the person I turn to for advise, but what does it tell him if I don’t show him love over others? It means nothing!
I am so thankful that I married my best friend! I am so thankful that we took the leap of faith and started dating almost four years ago. I am so thankful that he chose to do life with me. I am so thankful that we have almost hit our 1 year mark and we haven’t killed each other! But what I am most thankful for is that God gave me Seth. He gave me a life long partner to get through hard times and have a blast with during the good times. I wouldn’t change the first year because we have overcome so much, and I am sure we will overcome even more. I went into our marriage thinking, “awe it won’t be that hard”, because I had listened to the fairytales that make it look so easy, now all I can say to women getting married, the first year is extremely hard, but its the year that will lay a foundation, a year that you will grow closer, a year that you will learn each other, a year to where you both will look back on many years later and be extremely thankful for. And when hard times come (because they will) get into your closet and pray and seek Gods wisdom, because running your mouth will not help the situation! And no matter how hard the situation may seem at times, show more love to your spouse then you do other people. Because your closest neighbor is living and sleeping right next to you!!!